The Root of Loneliness

Loneliness is hostile to human condition – we’re social animals, and need each other to survive both emotionally and physically. But we could feel lonely even if we live with someone – why is that?

In the book The Primal Wound, authors suggest that a psychic schism is created through impersonal interaction with one’s caretakers: in other words, when we perceive no empathy or understanding from people closest to us, we feel no connection, and that creates the root of loneliness.

This happens inevitably as a child is growing up, perhaps even from birth (how many babies are left in the cradle even when they cry until exhaustion?) As adults, we internalize the impersonality and lack of connectedness within our own psyche. This creates the familiar feeling of insecurity when we don’t feel connected to others that are closest to us.

Astrologically, we can see this happen in several ways:

  • When Saturn or Uranus forms a hard aspect (conjunction, square, opposition) with the Moon, it’s probably reasonable to assume that emotional exchange with the mother was blocked, frustrated, or interrupted in an upsetting way. Moon represents the mother complex in the psyche, and our experience with the mother becomes the template for how we take care of and nurture ourselves. Lack of adequate mothering in early home may therefore translate into inadequate caring for ourselves.
  • When Saturn or Uranus forms a hard aspect with Venus or Mercury, we expect similar frustration or interruption in the flow of emotional or intellectual exchange. If the problem is severe, we may feel inadequate about our ability to relate or communicate effectively.
  • With Neptune in hard aspect with the Moon, there may be a consideration of the mother not being able to meet the sensitive needs of the child. The word “abandonment” has been suggested by other astrologers to describe strong Pisces or Neptune within a natal chart.

Granted, these are simplistic measures of an overall synthesis: we need to check the condition of 2nd, 5th and 11th ruler (self worth, love given and received) to see if they are under tension; 4th and 10th ruler to see if the parental relationship was problematic in some way; Saturn retrograde suggests a problem connecting with the father, and so on.

If many of such indicators are under severe stress, the primal wound may indeed be severe, and hence the loneliness would be felt acutely.

What must one do when such wounds are present? The solution isn’t really trying to get someone else to feed us what we didn’t receive as children: no human being can serve that function – parental disappointment is pre-programmed” with most of us. Rather, we must seek genuine healing within by first learning to relate to ourselves better – through understanding, empathy and objective awareness of one’s strengths and challenges.

When a genuine healing occurs within the psyche, unrealistic expectation toward relationships will be relaxed- then the other person isn’t burdened with the task of solving our core problems. This seems to me a prerequisite of relating better with others, which ultimately leads to the healing of loneliness.

About Hiroki Niizato

Hiroki Niizato is a professional consulting astrologer in Florida, serving clients in US and abroad. He has been practicing astrology professionally since 2001. Hiroki is a highest honor graduate of the demanding Master’s Degree Certification Course in Astrology by Noel Tyl.

You can contact Hiroki via email at: or schedule a consultation.


  1. I have moon in 4th opposite saturn and sun in 10th. Also moon in open square (about 10 degrees orb) to uranus in 1st. North node in 1st conjunct uranus and pluto in 12th don,t help either. I am really lonely. Many ” abandonements” through life.

  2. Hiroki Niizato says

    Samir: Thank you for sharing your experience.

  3. I read in Robson's Astrology & Sex that I was kinda "doomed" to live alone since I got 5 planets (Sun, Moon, Mercury, Venus & Saturn) in the 12th House. They're trapped, imprisoned there…

    Sun & Moon are conjunct Saturn, Moon is conjunct Mercury & Venus, Mercury is conjunct Venus. Sun rules the Asc, Moon rules the 12th.

    My mother was a teacher working 2 shifts a day, never saw her very much growing up and she wasn't very affectionate. Haven't met my dad so far. I was left in care of grandma (grandpa was out all day working) who pretty much raised me, but was always busy with the household; my only brother was born when I was 10.

    Socially, I was gifted at school, but that alienated me from the rest of the kids, having a lot of adults at home I related mostly to them than kids my age.

    I'm kinda shy in reunions, but once I warm up I'm outgoing.

    Nice article, Hiroki, thanx!

    • Hello Samir
      I have a scorpio ascendent and in my 9th house all the same planets are conjuct with Saturn moon sun venus mercury. Ketu in 1st house and mars in the 8th house. i have always been alone with longing that never seems to come an end.

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