Loneliness is hostile to human condition – we’re social animals, and need each other to survive both emotionally and physically. But we could feel lonely even if we live with someone – why is that?
In the book The Primal Wound, authors suggest that a psychic schism is created through impersonal interaction with one’s caretakers: in other words, when we perceive no empathy or understanding from people closest to us, we feel no connection, and that creates the root of loneliness.
This happens inevitably as a child is growing up, perhaps even from birth (how many babies are left in the cradle even when they cry until exhaustion?) As adults, we internalize the impersonality and lack of connectedness within our own psyche. This creates the familiar feeling of insecurity when we don’t feel connected to others that are closest to us.
Astrologically, we can see this happen in several ways:
- When Saturn or Uranus forms a hard aspect (conjunction, square, opposition) with the Moon, it’s probably reasonable to assume that emotional exchange with the mother was blocked, frustrated, or interrupted in an upsetting way. Moon represents the mother complex in the psyche, and our experience with the mother becomes the template for how we take care of and nurture ourselves. Lack of adequate mothering in early home may therefore translate into inadequate caring for ourselves.
- When Saturn or Uranus forms a hard aspect with Venus or Mercury, we expect similar frustration or interruption in the flow of emotional or intellectual exchange. If the problem is severe, we may feel inadequate about our ability to relate or communicate effectively.
- With Neptune in hard aspect with the Moon, there may be a consideration of the mother not being able to meet the sensitive needs of the child. The word “abandonment” has been suggested by other astrologers to describe strong Pisces or Neptune within a natal chart.
Granted, these are simplistic measures of an overall synthesis: we need to check the condition of 2nd, 5th and 11th ruler (self worth, love given and received) to see if they are under tension; 4th and 10th ruler to see if the parental relationship was problematic in some way; Saturn retrograde suggests a problem connecting with the father, and so on.
If many of such indicators are under severe stress, the primal wound may indeed be severe, and hence the loneliness would be felt acutely.
What must one do when such wounds are present? The solution isn’t really trying to get someone else to feed us what we didn’t receive as children: no human being can serve that function – parental disappointment is “pre-programmed” with most of us. Rather, we must seek genuine healing within by first learning to relate to ourselves better – through understanding, empathy and objective awareness of one’s strengths and challenges.
When a genuine healing occurs within the psyche, unrealistic expectation toward relationships will be relaxed- then the other person isn’t burdened with the task of solving our core problems. This seems to me a prerequisite of relating better with others, which ultimately leads to the healing of loneliness.