Elemental Compatibility: Why Some Couples Should Not Sleep on the Same Bed

Elemental Attunement and Compatibility
If we consider the horoscope as a map of our psychic energy system, then a dominance in one or two elements will suggest that we’re naturally attuned to that element. 

Of special importance are the two “lights” – the Sun and the Moon.  Sun’s elemental energy is the fuel that we burn, and the Moon’s elemental energy represents what we need in order to feel emotionally fulfilled.

The idea of elemental compatibility is very simple: If you have a Sun in a certain element (Fire for example), then you tend to get energized by the presence of someone who also has the Sun in the same element (Fire), or at least in a compatible element (Air in this case.)

If, on the other hand, if you are in a prolonged contact with someone who is attuned to an incompatible element from yours (Water or Earth in this example), then you may start to feel drained, and may need to get some space in order to regain your energy.

Just to review the basics, Fire signs (Aries, Leo, Sagittarius) are compatible with Air signs (Gemini, Libra, Aquarius), and Water signs (Cancer, Scorpio, Pisces) are compatible with Earth signs (Taurus, Virgo, Capricorn.)  Each element is, of course, compatible with its own element.  All other combinations are considered incompatible.

Why Some Couples Should Not Sleep on the Same Bed
I’m sure you’ve seen married couples that seem to spend all of their time together, wherever they go.  If you find out their birth dates, you’ll probably find that their horoscopes have a very similar (or compatible) elemental attunement.  They energize each other, or are very comfortable in each other’s presence.

On the other hand, there are some married couples that hardly see each other – they sleep on a separate bed or have separate bedrooms.  In some cases the couple meet only on weekends because of work arrangement.  And somehow this does not bother them.  Rather, when one of the couple retires and starts spending more time at home, it seems to create more problems between them.

If we can find out their dates of birth, we’ll probably find that their elemental attunement is not compatible with each other – so they need to give each other some time and space to recharge, and allow the other person to have the room to be who they are, without interfering with each other’s energy system.

This seems like such a simplistic idea, but empirically it seems to have some validity.  Now let’s take it a step further and consider your own horoscope:

The Elements of Your Natal Sun & Moon
If your Sun and Moon occupy the signs in the same or compatible elements, then there is a natural harmony within your energy system, which makes it easier for you to spend a long time together with someone who is compatible with you.

If, on the other hand, your Sun and Moon occupy the signs in incompatible elements, then there is a disruption in the energy system, creating a seasaw effect (i.e. forcing you to switch between two incompatible elements.)  This means that whoever you’ll have a relationship with will likely be compatible with 1/2 of your energy system, and be incompatible with the other half.

To be sure, you could be with someone with a very similar set of Sun-Moon blend as you, which may make things a little easier – but still, half of you will be drained by the other person, while the other half may be energized.  Either way, this means you’ll need to allow each other some time and space for recharging, in order to maintain the integrity of your psychic system.

According to Stephen Arroyo, the most compatible energies seem to be those belonging to the same element (e.g. Fire and Fire), but preferably of a different sign (e.g. Aries and Leo, or Leo and Sagittarius.)  The exact same signs seem to lose any sense of energy flow or movement between them, which may cause stagnation or loss of perspective.

The compatible energies (Fire and Air, or Water and Earth) work well together for a long time, but they still require some time of separation in order to maintain energetic integrity.  People with incompatible energies (e.g. Water and Fire) could learn from each other a great deal – but this tends to be more of a short, growth oriented interaction rather than a prolonged, comfortable intimacy.

Summary: Working With Elemental Compatibility
Simply looking at the elemental compatibility between the couple’s Sun signs could reveal a great deal about their energetic interaction, and how much space they need to allow each other.  Compatibility between their Moon signs is also important in gauging how emotionally comfortable the couple can be with each other, especially in a domestic setting.

When considering these ideas in the context of your own relationships, do they seem valid to you?  Have you known couples that spend a great deal of time with each other to also have their Suns and Moons in compatible elements?  How about the couples that sleep separately and/or spend very little time together with one another?  Please share through emails or comments!

(photo by Josh Liba)

About Hiroki Niizato

Hiroki Niizato is a professional consulting astrologer in Florida, serving clients in US and abroad. He has been practicing astrology professionally since 2001. Hiroki is a highest honor graduate of the demanding Master’s Degree Certification Course in Astrology by Noel Tyl.

You can contact Hiroki via email at: Hiroki@hniizato.com or schedule a consultation.


  1. Great article. I find this analysis absolutely true of my relationships. I find my best relating with people who have a sun in the same element as mine and their moon in the same or compatible element as mine. Obviously that’s NOT very many people 😂 unfortunately. The reason I think this is so is because I have a sun moon opposition and I get along with others who also have a sun moon opposition. Its as though we balance each others needs. For example I am a scorpio, my partner is a scorpio. He has a moon in sagittarius, I have my moon in gemini. We need the fire-air moon compatibility to balance the watery intensity of our suns. My closest friends have a similar dynamic.
    I am really enjoying searching through the archive of all your writing. Thanks Hiroki

  2. i am only aware of the astrology of two of my relationships as i have only been a serious student for the last couple of years – and trying to grasp it all on my own which i think is extremely difficult. while often completely unsure, it is a fantastic way for me to while away the hours while i ‘wait’.

    the most comfortable and compatible relationship i have experienced so far was with a cap/taurus/cap moon. i am pretty sure that cap moon is what did my side in. i am a virgo/libra/sag moon and while we could actually read one another’s minds and intellectually KNOW we were harmonious, emotionally i would often feel very alone. also, the moon in cap (& sun, too) dictated an unbreakable allegiance to tradition and the tradition meant that i wasnt exceptable to his family. i also have to say that our relationship would only work smoothly if he was in total control all the time (most of the time, that was fine but then there would come a moment…!)
    as you have said in some other posts here, capricorns tend to have incredible staying power and he is still checking in with me to see that i am alright. he is also adament that i am the one who finished our relationship, rather than circumstances ending it.

    the latest guy to declare that i am ‘the one’ for him is an airhead! lol he is libra/gemini/aries moon and i find him to be very intelligent, open and kind-hearted but so very untethered, like a kite with no one holding the string and i find that disconcerting.

    so yes, my earth/air/fire works well with earth/air/earth most of the time and i am still investigating, tentatively, air/air/fire. too bad we cant just conjure up our perfect mate! :D

  3. Rev. Lynn DeLellis says

    This is excellent information. I was not at all aware of this. Thank you.

  4. Hiroki Niizato says


    Before deciding whether to go to bed with yourself or not, you should at least get to know you!


  5. tatiana.larina says

    My Sun is in Aries and my Moon in Capricorn. Does it mean I shouldn't sleep in bed with myself? ;-)

  6. Hiroki Niizato says

    Sabina: Personally I don't consider the progressed Sun and Moon changing signs to be significant when discussing our basic elemental attunement.

    My view is that fundamental energies of our natal chart never change – but how we utilize its potential can and should change as we grow.

  7. Hiroki Niizato says

    Hi Mandi,

    Thank you for corroborating! Much appreciated.

  8. Hiroki,

    Yes, I think this is true. I'd like to ask if you think the sun and moon in the progressed charts would have an influence, and, if so, how and how much?

  9. Mandi Lockley says

    Great post Hiroki

    My husband has a Cap Moon and myself a Cap Sun….He has Leo Sun and I have Aquarius Moon…

    As a couple, we both need a lot of space to do our own thing…esp. I think, as both Aquarius and Capricorn are very independent signs

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