Venus Neptune Aspects: The Necessary Disillusionment in Relationship

Venus Neptune conjunct square oppositionVenus represents your relationship needs.  Neptune is often described by the word “Disillusionment.”  Hence, Venus Neptune aspect is commonly thought of as “Disillusionment in Love” which sounds ominous.

While disillusionment can be a difficult experience, it’s a necessary process that accelerates your healing toward having a healthier relationship with yourself and others.  Here we’ll take a look at Venus Neptune conjunction, square or opposition in transit and in natal chart while specifically focusing on the disillusionment process.

Natal Venus conjunct square opposition Neptune: Flight Into Beauty and Romance

In your natal horoscope, Venus Neptune aspect suggests an overabundance of romantic and aesthetic needs. Like swooning to Rachmaninoff’s piano concerto, there seems to be a need for aesthetic or romantic intoxication, sometimes to the point of excess or even escapism.

The question to ask is “Why does this need exist?” When did this need to escape into the ideal world of beauty and romance arise?

In childhood, the creative imagination of Neptune is frequently used as a means to escape painful reality. If the early home environment was extremely difficult for you as a child due to one or both of the parents being problematic, then perhaps the beautiful world inside your imagination functioned as the only place of escape for you

Some clients with Venus conjunct, square or opposite Neptune might tell me “Oh I’ve had a good childhood – my father was very loving to us, he was a very good provider”, etc, even though it becomes clear later in the discussion that they hardly spent any time with one or both of their parents, and felt terribly abandoned by them. It’s the Neptunian idealization process at work in the context of relationship with their parents.

The romantic and aesthetic imagination of Venus-Neptune aspect can easily form a defense mechanism against undesirable experience of rejection, criticism or abandonment. In its most extreme, Neptune-Venus aspect suggests denial of the fact that something painful was going on in your early relationship with your family.

Such denial is a setup for later disillusionment, perhaps to be triggered by future Neptune transit to Venus or the 7th house ruler.

 

Transit Neptune Conjunct Square Opposition Venus: Illusion or Inspiration?

In relation to transit or solar arc Neptune Venus aspect, many astrologers use phrases like “deception in love” or “romantic disillusionment”, which can be alarming if you’re beginning a relationship under this transit. To keep a more balanced perspective about this transit, here is a thought you may want to try out:

 

Neptune transit to Venus or the 7th house ruler tests your relationship to see if your idealized perception about your partner and the relationship is valid.

 

If your perception was based on a fantasy created in your early childhood (see the above section on natal Venus Neptune conjunction, square or opposition), then you may be choosing to blind yourself to important signals that are telling you all is not as it seems in your relationship.

Such signals may include the fact that your partner hardly spends any quality time with you, or that he/she has lied to you before, or that there seems to be a little too much alcohol or drugs involved whenever you’re together.

If the relationship is indeed based on unreality (i.e. you turning a blind eye to unhealthy signals and ending up victimized as a result), then this transit will most likely dissolve the blinder you have on, creating an opportunity to release the pattern of idealization you’ve been holding onto since childhood.

 

Neptune Venus Transit: Disillusionment Gives Opportunity for Emotional Healing

The most difficult part of transit Neptune Venus conjunction, square or opposition is to let go of the pattern of unrealistic idealization. In order to do so, you’ll need to let go of the defense mechanism you’ve created as a child (e.g. fantasizing the idealized relationship with the parent of opposite gender), thereby realizing (and feeling the emotions associated with) the truth about your early family life.

The process of disillusionment has a purpose, and its pain is most likely a reminder of how you used to feel as a child, growing up in your home environment. If you are able to fully embrace the pain at its childhood root, the pain will dissolve and the stuck emotional energy, along with the pattern of denial, can be released.

Many people with a strong Neptune aspect lose memory of their childhood, especially if it was painful. If you choose to escape again, even after the disillusionment, into the idealized perception of your life, then your pattern of denial will remain the same, and the disillusionment process will most likely have to repeat itself in the future.

 

Venus Neptune Aspects: The Rewards on the Other Side of Disillusionment

The process of disillusionment, if successfully embraced, will dissolve the frozen emotional energies that were stuck in your psyche since childhood (unsurprisingly, the released emotions may come out as tears.) This is a tremendous healing opportunity, and takes real courage to go through (a help from a therapist or a counselor might be beneficial.)

As a result, you will end up with much more emotional energy, giving you an increased capacity to relate more fully with others. In addition, because your perception has been clarified, you’ll be able to better “see” others and relate to them on a more authentic level (before then, you were most likely relating to the idealized perception you had of your partner within your mind rather than to the real person.)

Lastly, your increased emotional energy may free up your creative capacity and aesthetic appreciation, so that you can enjoy more creativity, beauty and romance, all the while maintaining a healthy connection with reality.

 

Photo: Abrahim Asad

About Hiroki Niizato

Hiroki Niizato is a professional consulting astrologer in Florida, serving clients in US and abroad. He has been practicing astrology professionally since 2001. Hiroki is a highest honor graduate of the demanding Master’s Degree Certification Course in Astrology by Noel Tyl.

You can contact Hiroki via email at: Hiroki@hniizato.com or Phone: 727-470-4056 to ask a question or schedule a consultation.

Comments

  1. Thanks for your blog. I read a lot of astrological blogs and yours is always very instructive.

  2. Hello,
    my natal Neptune in Sag opposes Venus in Gem, and both are squared by Saturn/NN in Virgo.

    I was afraid of the Pluto transits, but then Pluto opposed my Sun and I survived, and felt more alive for it.

    After Saturn return I was deathly afraid of it, but then 3 years later it went over my Ascendant and the first house, and I feel more comfortable with this energy. I get it.

    I’m now worried about Neptune. Because I didn’t understand its “point”. I thought, “What is it for??” Having read this post though, I think it’s going to “defrost” my emotions. Natal Saturn square to Moon and Venus limits my emotional expression, and I can see how it’s stifling my creativity.

    Thank you!

  3. Hi Hiroki… really like how your articles are focused on self-empowerment and personal evolution rather than the all too common ‘oh my god this is going to be such a terrible transit you’re gonna just have to hang in there til it’s over!’ Always pleased to see a new post in my inbox :)

  4. Hi Hiroki,

    You did such a good job of describing the more challenging natal aspects, I immediately thought of an uncle. When I looked up his chart (which I’ve done before but don’t remember), sure enough, he has a close Venus-Neptune square.

    My 12H Pluto in Virgo is conjunct his 9H Neptune in Virgo, so sometimes his version of reality and obvious denial feel almost toxic to me. What’s kind of interesting though, is that he was the only person who knew about a big secret my mother kept from everyone. When I told him about my suspicions, his confirmation led to my finding the lost sibling I’ve mentioned in other comments. His memory of details was way off, but it didn’t matter and I appreciated the courage it took for him to tell me.

    His Venus in Gemini is within a few degrees of my Gemini Mars, so our squares (his Neptune-Venus; my Pluto-Mars) are conjunct and trigger one another. Must be a past-life thing.:)

  5. Yes, this is tricky as a transit. I recently concluded this (well, the neptune square venus part — neptune opp. mars coming up next). Maybe it was particularly acute (for me) because I have venus+mercury square ura+mars+pluto. [These are not tight conjunctions, but possibly tight enough so that everyone feels involved.]

    I really felt the (1) delusional aspect of it and (2) the yearning to dissolve (into someone else).

    I’m curious whether, in your experience (as an astrologer), the house position of the natal Neptune has been a factor. It happens for me that Neptune is in 5th house (traditionally associated with Venus) in Scorpio (in the tropical zodiac, but in Libra in the sidereal zodiac, and thus ruled by Venus; natally, Venus is in the 12th–the house of self-undoing, or, more charitably, moksha; maybe worth mentioning, also, that natally my Neptune and Venus have no inter-aspect).

    So, say ones radical Venus is in the 6th house, and radical Neptune is in the 8th house, and Neptune transited from the 9th, would we possibly get 8th-house delusions, playing out in the 6th house realm? Fantasies of dying house-pets? A yearning to join the peace corps in a besieged 3rd-world country?

    Just wondering whether there is some nuance related to the natal house positions…

    • Hi Josh,

      Thank you for your comment. Good question – sometimes the house significance gets expressed clearly, especially if Neptune or the aspected planet rules the Angular houses (1st, 4th, 7th or 10th). House rulership is worth exploring, although you always need to keep in mind the basic symbolism (i.e. Venus having to do with relationships or the sense of beauty and ideals.)

  6. I’ve had transiting Neptune opposite natal Venus for most of this year. I filed for divorce from an abusive husband this year. I find myself now in a very intense relationship with a much older man who certainly has an air of mystery about him. I don’t like all the negativity this transit portends. I don’t want to think I have blinders on, because this relationship has been extremely transformative. How would I know?

    • Hi Karen, only you can tell the difference between illusion and reality (although sometimes the knowledge comes in retrospect). Blinders are often put on unconsciously in order to avoid some painful reality. If you’ve dealt with your pain and integrated it enough, you’re less susceptible to losing yourself in illusion.

  7. Yet again you provide us with a well written article, thank you so much. Venus opposite Neptune rests on the Gemini rising (Venus) /sage in 7th (Neptune) – axis with Pisces on the midheaven and both planets squaring Saturn in 4th. I was adopted at an early age; my mother is a nurse and my father a sailor. As a child I was very creative and a big dreamer, but always pushed into a responsible role (Saturn in 4th).
    In relationships I always had the tendency to take care of my partners. Those included; a photographer, an alcoholic and a musician. All of them turned out to be not exactly who they claimed to be. With people in general I can see through the illusion but in romantic relationships and close friendships, I have zero game.
    Only recently have I admitted to myself that certain things from my childhood where not what you would consider ‘normal’; issues where swept under the gentle rug of denial. Since then I’m seeing my own behavior and others more clearly and I can move away from co-dependent situations. I guess the illusions finally went up in smoke (my first astrological joke, I will be here all evening, ladies and gents ;-)

    • Hi Sarah,

      Thank you for sharing your experience with the Venus Neptune opposition. Great to hear you’re moving away from the less desirable expression of this aspect in your relationships.

  8. Two sad years with lot of tears when transiting Neptune hard aspected my natal exact Venus opposition Neptune. As soon as transit moved away few degrees I completely recovered. Your articles are great.

  9. alexander troup says:

    Some good feed back i am reading and the character traits of a hard aspect venus and neptune do cut one off from the excitment that a trine would deliver and yet the people here notice well the self i. Reading so this is a good site

  10. Really well written and enlightening articles.

  11. Ruth Jami says:

    Do you have anything to say about Natal Neptune conjunct the midheaven in Scorpio? Venus currently in opposition. By transit.
    Thank you.

    • Hi Ruth, Neptune conjunct midheaven, among other things, suggests the condition of your early home being a lonely and possibly problematic one, which may have impact on later relationships. Venus transit is very fleeting and happens once a year, so you won’t notice it unless you’re focusing on it (possibly an intensified appreciation of aesthetics and fantasy element in your life and relationships.)

  12. James Firmin says:

    In this article you have focused mainly on issues relating to personal relationships, but so far with transiting Neptune conjunct natal Venus (7th), I have had more opportunities for charitable work. This has been very rewarding and I think is another positive expression of this energy. An interesting essay of yours nonetheless. Thanks, James.

  13. saturn lady says:

    Interesting. My ex-husband has Neptune/Venus conjunct in house 3. Neptune is his house 7 ruler. He has Saturn 7 and a Libra Sun. He is COMPLETELY co-dependent. He can’t function without “others.” He told me that, growing up, he was forced to watch his younger siblings while his parents went to work, and he resented being forced to be responsible while the siblings got to do whatever they wanted – as kids, with no responsibility. To this very day, my ex is an irresponsible mess. At 51 he still can’t get his life together. He’s struggled in relationships and still chooses women who are downright terrible: cruel, argumentative, hostile, jealous, manipulative and controlling. Once Saturn enters house 5 (when it enters Capricorn), he’ll be forced to be alone (the Lord of Karma is unkind to co-dependent people); I frankly don’t think he’ll survive.

    My ex has put the pursuit of romance before everything else in his life, including his children. He is a pitiable mess.

  14. Wow, spot on. You phrase the aspects as if you have personally experienced this before. Venus opp neptune at 4 degrees orb and always had the need to sugarcoat all my childhood rejections and abandonments. (with my mother, the first person to abandon me) to help sugarcoat this even more. My grandmother abandoned her and in return she decided to abandon me. When will this vicious circle ever end..

    • Hi Peter, thank you for sharing your experience with Venus opposing Neptune. Abandonment and the need to sugarcoat is a common Neptunian experience, especially during childhood. The key is to recognize the pattern so that you can choose differently in the present.

  15. Hi Hiroki!
    Reading your article has come at an appropriate time in my life. I now have my progressed Venus, (Taurus, 5th house) opposite my natal Neptune (Scorpio, 11th house) in a T-square with my natal Uranus (Leo, 9th house) for a year. I have been involved with a woman for the past five years whom I knew for a short but passionate time 40 years ago! Can I now make changes to the ideal love I had for her all those years ago and build a new relationship dissolved of all those youthful but idealistic dreams.

  16. Hiroki!

    I’ve re-read your article after a month and it is making more sense to me now. The woman now in my life I was knew when I was 18 years’ old, and she hurt me very badly but I held on to the belief of our love since 1974! She represented an idealized love, since we were both teenagers at that time and it was for both of us our first love. I have got to really know her over the past few years and as indicated by your article my perception of her was based on fantasy created in my youth, and I am now seeing those signals that are telling me all is not as it seems in my relationship. I feel I can now change and move on and release the pattern of idealization I’ve been holding on since my youth, and more importantly see and judge other women more fairly and and kindly. I can change and heal because my Neptune Venus opposition is squaring with my natal Uranus. What do you think?

  17. Hi Hiroki!

    Just one further question. Neptune is known for alcohol and drugs. In your article you mention that there could be a bit too much alcohol when two people get together under a Venus- Neptune transit. I’ve noticed that this women is a very heavy drinker when we are together and it worries me. Do you see this as a result of us getting together, the transit or her nature? She is someone who has suffered from depression most of her life having Cancer on her Ascendant with her natal Venus conjunct in the 12th house.

    • Hi Peter, the Neptune Venus transit is reflecting the tone of your relationship, but the actual issue is within your partner’s real life actions and circumstance. In other words, transit is mirroring the problem but is not causing the drinking to happen. Therefore, by focusing more on the actual issue and working on resolving it, you may find the resolution to your concerns.

  18. Hiroki!
    Thanks for your reply. It doesn’t help that she has her natal Neptune in her 5th house, an indication of using alcohol as an escape. I still have one last issue. Although my progressed Venus is now opposite my natal Mercury it is squaring with my natal Uranus in a T-square. Although Neptune dissolves surely the inluence of Uranus in change will be greater?

  19. Hiroki
    I should have said my progressed Venus is now opposite my natal Neptune.

    Cheers, Peter

    • Here, progressing Venus will be the acting symbol, so the interpretation will be a bit different, more about relationship concerns awakening new interests and behaviors. My earlier comment still stands – to put it another way, planets don’t do things, people do!

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