Saturn, Venus & the Fear of Intimacy – A Reader Question

Someone emailed me to ask about Venus – Saturn aspect and the fear of intimacy:

“I was looking for the deeper connection to Venus 12th square Saturn 3rd natally. I am a 49 year old female approaching a chiron return, and in the midst of awakening to the fact that I have repressed/feared emotions-intimacy as I never received any.

…Your article helped me to integrate/understand why I have fears…now I have to figure out how to let them go. Is Venus in the 12th also about “clandestine affairs” due to the fears of emotional intimacy? My natal chart speaks about the almost certainty of ‘affairs’?”

So we see two questions here…One about how to increase the capacity for emotional intimacy, and another one about whether she is prone to having secret affairs due to the configuration of her natal Venus.

Question One: The Affair
To answer the easy one first: we can probably agree that the clandestine affair doesn’t solve the intimacy problem in the long run, as such relationships are based on fantasy and not responsibility (recall the recent post on Venus, Saturn and the balance between play and responsibility in love), but it may be tempting because it lets you forget the issue for a while…No one can judge that.

If you choose to go through this path, a part of you will know that you’re trying to take the easy way out – so my feeling is that the pleasure will not last very long, thereby perpetuating the traditional interpretation for Venus in 12th house square Saturn. Ultimately Venus can’t act without Saturn due to the emphatic natal connection – here the difficult balance of love, playfulness and responsibility will need to be achieved.

Question Two: Developing the Capacity for Intimacy
We probably need to choose a more difficult but ultimately more rewarding way: by answering the tough question of “how to release fears of emotions and intimacy.”

Saturn in 3rd (mindset) square Venus in 12th suggests that some factors in the environment interfered with the development of emotions and social confidence (hence her saying she never received any intimacy.) This factor most likely led to a serious mindset, possibly with a tendency for depression.

The challenge here is how to uncover the numerous mental defenses and get to honest feelings within. With this pattern in a horoscope, often there will be an elaborate mental structure that keeps one from experiencing the core emotional pain.

To approach this task, you may need outside help; an experienced counselor or a coach will be able to see where your thinking is leading you away from experiencing the real emotions. That said, you can usually begin by keeping a daily emotional journal, through gently describing what you’re feeling at the moment, and what that reminds you of from your past.

You don’t have to push; you can choose to take it as slowly as you like with yourself. It’s an ongoing process, but the more you go through this Plutonian process, you’ll feel closer to yourself and more empowered in romantic relationships.

The barrier to intimacy is created within ourselves – because first we alienate ourselves from ourselves. No matter how close your lover is to you physically, he/she will not be able to cross the invisible wall you have elected around your core emotions, until you begin to remove them a block at a time.

About Hiroki Niizato

Hiroki Niizato is a professional consulting astrologer in Florida, serving clients in US and abroad. He has been practicing astrology professionally since 2001. Hiroki is a highest honor graduate of the demanding Master’s Degree Certification Course in Astrology by Noel Tyl.

You can contact Hiroki via email at: Hiroki@hniizato.com or Phone: 727-470-4056 to ask a question or schedule a consultation.

Comments

  1. Eme Kah says:

    Another great post. Thanks. Can you please write about the 12th house? It's a very difficult house to grokk, imo, although I have read a lot about it. It just seems utterly awful and negative whereas all the other houses have their light side. I have Venus in the 12th and I have always hated the cookbook interpretations that made me feel as if I were doomed. (I already have nothing but squares to my poor Venus.)

  2. Hiroki Niizato says:

    Let me think about it…Maybe it's time for another 12th house post!

    Thanks

  3. Hi there,
    i`ve found your site this week and i think is really interesting and different. And i`ve checked the archive too. Anyway thank you for all the posts and especially for those regarding the 12 house. (i have venus conj pluto in the 12)

    regards,
    Edith.

  4. Hiroki Niizato says:

    Thank you Edith! Much appreciated…

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